Saturday, April 26, 2008
Bear terms
Some terminology relating to the Bear community includes:
Admirer - a term that refers to someone who is sexually or romantically attracted to Bears (this term is often used in various communities to describe an outsider who has sexual attraction to people within that community). Also often referred to as a Chaser. Admirers/Chasers can be of any weight, hairy or hairless and any age.
Bear - a hairy man with a stocky or heavyset build and facial hair. Can be clean shaven and of any age.
Cub - a younger (or younger looking) version of a Bear, typically but not always with a smaller frame. The term is sometimes used to imply the passive partner in a relationship. Can be hairy or hairless.
Daddy bear - is an older guy sometimes looking for a daddy/son relationship with either a younger Bear, Cub, Otter, Wolf or Chaser.
Goldilocks - A female, often heterosexual, who is often in the company of bears (a bear's fag hag). Also can be referred to as an Ursula.
Muscle bear - a muscular version of a Bear. A muscle cub is a younger or smaller, yet muscular, version. Can be hairy or hairless and of any age.
Koala bear - a bear with blond hair
Panda bear - a bear of Asian ethnicity. A panda cub is younger version. Usually hairless.
Polar bear - a silver- or white-haired Bear.
Otter - a man who is hairy, but is not large or stocky - typically thinner, or with lean muscle. Slimmer version of a Bear with little pockets of fat like love handles or a tiny gut, but not as lean as a Wolf.
Spirit bear - a Bear that approaches his sexuality and 'inner bear' from a spiritual stand point. Usually rooted in various international and cultural references and traditions. Notably present in pagan communities where being gay is predominantly accepted.
Woof - A greeting often used when a Bear spots another Bear in public and wants to express physical attraction. He might make a growling noise ("Grrr!") or say "Woof!"
Bear run - a gathering or circuit party for Bear/Cub types and their Admirers.
Bear soup - a swimming pool or hot tub full of bears which usually includes lots of group cuddling and frolicking. These are common place at Bear runs.
Admirer - a term that refers to someone who is sexually or romantically attracted to Bears (this term is often used in various communities to describe an outsider who has sexual attraction to people within that community). Also often referred to as a Chaser. Admirers/Chasers can be of any weight, hairy or hairless and any age.
Bear - a hairy man with a stocky or heavyset build and facial hair. Can be clean shaven and of any age.
Cub - a younger (or younger looking) version of a Bear, typically but not always with a smaller frame. The term is sometimes used to imply the passive partner in a relationship. Can be hairy or hairless.
Daddy bear - is an older guy sometimes looking for a daddy/son relationship with either a younger Bear, Cub, Otter, Wolf or Chaser.
Goldilocks - A female, often heterosexual, who is often in the company of bears (a bear's fag hag). Also can be referred to as an Ursula.
Muscle bear - a muscular version of a Bear. A muscle cub is a younger or smaller, yet muscular, version. Can be hairy or hairless and of any age.
Koala bear - a bear with blond hair
Panda bear - a bear of Asian ethnicity. A panda cub is younger version. Usually hairless.
Polar bear - a silver- or white-haired Bear.
Otter - a man who is hairy, but is not large or stocky - typically thinner, or with lean muscle. Slimmer version of a Bear with little pockets of fat like love handles or a tiny gut, but not as lean as a Wolf.
Spirit bear - a Bear that approaches his sexuality and 'inner bear' from a spiritual stand point. Usually rooted in various international and cultural references and traditions. Notably present in pagan communities where being gay is predominantly accepted.
Woof - A greeting often used when a Bear spots another Bear in public and wants to express physical attraction. He might make a growling noise ("Grrr!") or say "Woof!"
Bear run - a gathering or circuit party for Bear/Cub types and their Admirers.
Bear soup - a swimming pool or hot tub full of bears which usually includes lots of group cuddling and frolicking. These are common place at Bear runs.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Curious
I'm sorry, but if you're a dude, and you want a dude to touch your dong, then, you're a fucking homo. Fess up and just say it! Ok, you may be bi, but you're not straight. You like men's ding dongs!
"Im married also and am straight and have a cock smaller then yours.
Ive never been with a guy and never touched a guys cock.
Id like to experience me jacking a cock off and having my cock jacked off.
Oral by me would not work for me since Im not gay.
Im age 56 and live near Columbia,SC."
"Im married also and am straight and have a cock smaller then yours.
Ive never been with a guy and never touched a guys cock.
Id like to experience me jacking a cock off and having my cock jacked off.
Oral by me would not work for me since Im not gay.
Im age 56 and live near Columbia,SC."
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Is this worth it? (Shawn is the evil one)
Before you read this, know that I was tired when I wrote this, and also extremely pissed.
My mother called the house, and woke me up, then wanted to know why I was sleeping. Gee ma, maybe because I've been working all night? So here I am awake, getting ready for bed finally. Se thought it'd be a good idea to bring the kids over the house today. Don't get me wrong, I love my Niece, and Nephews, but I do need my rest. And having toddlers around the house is not the way to get it done. Well moving on... My ma looks at me, and says, "we need to talk (Oh shit), but we won't because you've changed." I respond with a "Changed? How so ma?" Well Chris, you never wanted to be out, and now since meeting Shawn, you've become this 'Hi I'm queer' person, and you are broadcasting it to the world." me, "Well ma, I figured I"d let them know, because I was suicidal and depressed, but am not anymore. Do you think my coming out has had anything to do with it?" My ma, "No, you gays always have to push your agenda on people like me, and i am sick and tired of it. I read your e-mail, saying, 'Ok, I'll tell Wendy, then a few days later you told her." (Now someone here is lying, because at the time I told Wendy, she acted like she didn't know I was going to tell Wendy. She also acted Shocked that I would.) Well i looked at her saying, "It's not an agenda, and i am not forcing it on anyone else, would it be different if I said I was back with Katrina (My ex). (Silence) "I'm sorry ma, but you're the one who is not ready to talk. I just turned and walked away.
"Shawn is telling you what to do? What the fucking hell? I won't speak ill of those who have passed on, but Bill used to say that. Now my ma has this idea that Shawn is forcing me to come out, and is forcing me to be someone I am not. Has she forgotten what I was like when I was depressed? I would lay there, with them poking and yelling at me to get up out of bed, I would lay there to the point where I would be so pissed that i would strike out at them. Does she really want me like that again? She's worried about my temper now, well what about then? I have too much to live for now. I have a bud who makes me laugh, and a man who completes my life. Every weekend is a vacation for me, and I honestly dread coming home on Monday, but know that i must. When I'm home I face bull shit, and shit I wouldn't wish on my Enimies.
John and I have breakfast on Tuesday morning, and it was great, there's nothing like breaking bread with a friend. Well, this BS with my mother is getting to the point where the only way we can be comfortable with the situation is if we joke about it. John will often say, "So, have you been kicked out again? or how many times have you been kicked out?" While we laugh at this, it is fucking sad that we even have facts to back this joke up. WE both got to talking about our Faith, and about where the "Christian we went to school with" are. John and I are your normal 22 year old putz, but are not into the clubbing scene. The funny thing is that those in school who avoided us for not being "christian" enough are either now unmarried and with child, or are big time clubbers. Yeah, John and I both agreed that we believe in God, but do not agree with organized religion. Does that make us agnostic? I guess so, I don't know, maybe some one will leave a comment here. What i am trying to say, through my sleepy eyes, is I am officially turned off from my folks, and apparently, my mother hates Shawn. Sad, she never mt him, and never got to see what a wonderful guy he is, but it's her loss. John had the balls to meet him, and this coming weekend will meet him again, for a second time. Shawn is telling me what to do, fuck no, My ma is the one forcing her agenda on me, and is telling me what to do. Mark my words, as soon as I can, I am out of this hell hole. And when the time comes, I am dropping the "lefave" name and will gladly take Shawn's name. At least his family talks to me in a civil manner, and at least they treat us with respect. I've changed? Fuck yeah, and for the better, I am not mentally depressed. The only one making me depressed, is my ma.
My mother called the house, and woke me up, then wanted to know why I was sleeping. Gee ma, maybe because I've been working all night? So here I am awake, getting ready for bed finally. Se thought it'd be a good idea to bring the kids over the house today. Don't get me wrong, I love my Niece, and Nephews, but I do need my rest. And having toddlers around the house is not the way to get it done. Well moving on... My ma looks at me, and says, "we need to talk (Oh shit), but we won't because you've changed." I respond with a "Changed? How so ma?" Well Chris, you never wanted to be out, and now since meeting Shawn, you've become this 'Hi I'm queer' person, and you are broadcasting it to the world." me, "Well ma, I figured I"d let them know, because I was suicidal and depressed, but am not anymore. Do you think my coming out has had anything to do with it?" My ma, "No, you gays always have to push your agenda on people like me, and i am sick and tired of it. I read your e-mail, saying, 'Ok, I'll tell Wendy, then a few days later you told her." (Now someone here is lying, because at the time I told Wendy, she acted like she didn't know I was going to tell Wendy. She also acted Shocked that I would.) Well i looked at her saying, "It's not an agenda, and i am not forcing it on anyone else, would it be different if I said I was back with Katrina (My ex). (Silence) "I'm sorry ma, but you're the one who is not ready to talk. I just turned and walked away.
"Shawn is telling you what to do? What the fucking hell? I won't speak ill of those who have passed on, but Bill used to say that. Now my ma has this idea that Shawn is forcing me to come out, and is forcing me to be someone I am not. Has she forgotten what I was like when I was depressed? I would lay there, with them poking and yelling at me to get up out of bed, I would lay there to the point where I would be so pissed that i would strike out at them. Does she really want me like that again? She's worried about my temper now, well what about then? I have too much to live for now. I have a bud who makes me laugh, and a man who completes my life. Every weekend is a vacation for me, and I honestly dread coming home on Monday, but know that i must. When I'm home I face bull shit, and shit I wouldn't wish on my Enimies.
John and I have breakfast on Tuesday morning, and it was great, there's nothing like breaking bread with a friend. Well, this BS with my mother is getting to the point where the only way we can be comfortable with the situation is if we joke about it. John will often say, "So, have you been kicked out again? or how many times have you been kicked out?" While we laugh at this, it is fucking sad that we even have facts to back this joke up. WE both got to talking about our Faith, and about where the "Christian we went to school with" are. John and I are your normal 22 year old putz, but are not into the clubbing scene. The funny thing is that those in school who avoided us for not being "christian" enough are either now unmarried and with child, or are big time clubbers. Yeah, John and I both agreed that we believe in God, but do not agree with organized religion. Does that make us agnostic? I guess so, I don't know, maybe some one will leave a comment here. What i am trying to say, through my sleepy eyes, is I am officially turned off from my folks, and apparently, my mother hates Shawn. Sad, she never mt him, and never got to see what a wonderful guy he is, but it's her loss. John had the balls to meet him, and this coming weekend will meet him again, for a second time. Shawn is telling me what to do, fuck no, My ma is the one forcing her agenda on me, and is telling me what to do. Mark my words, as soon as I can, I am out of this hell hole. And when the time comes, I am dropping the "lefave" name and will gladly take Shawn's name. At least his family talks to me in a civil manner, and at least they treat us with respect. I've changed? Fuck yeah, and for the better, I am not mentally depressed. The only one making me depressed, is my ma.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Let's export the gays!
Before I met Shawn, I knew I wanted to move to NH, because of the freedoms I knew I'd have. I'd be able to own a firearm, with less hassle than down here in Massachusetts. I'd even be allowed to own camin, and monitors. But with people saying that homosexuality is destructive, and we should export them...Why live in the US? I do believe that homosexuals who are not out and who are "hooking up" are the ones to blame. I as a gay man am afraid to go to some rest stops, not because of the fear of being beaten up, but rather, because the married men at these places are creeping me out. There's a local park with several trails, in the medford area, and I'd love to take Shawn there some time. But it's also one of the area's largest cruising spots, and the state troopers are always there, scoping out the place for gay men. Yes, Shawn and I are legit, and not hooking up for casual sex next to ball fields, but that wouldn't stop the cops from questioning us, and harassing us. Something needs to be done.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Sex with a bicycle(not me) But shows the scots are weird.
Man who had sex with bike in court
By Richard Alleyne
Last Updated: 2:07am GMT 31/10/2007
A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?
Goat survived by kid and human husband
Doctors battle to save 'human pin-cushion'
Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.
Robert Stewart admitted sexual breach of the peace
On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.
She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.
Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.
He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.
Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.
By Richard Alleyne
Last Updated: 2:07am GMT 31/10/2007
A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?
Goat survived by kid and human husband
Doctors battle to save 'human pin-cushion'
Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.
Robert Stewart admitted sexual breach of the peace
On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.
She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.
Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.
He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.
Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.
I'd rather be hated for something I am than be loved for something I am not.
WTF, the end credits tell all. But I tell you this, if more videos, and media like this gets out into the hands of the general public, than we are fucked. Hate messages like these only bring on violence.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Kid sticks drum stick up arse
Brings a new meaning to keeping the beat. My gawd, what the young kids do these days. And I thought I was wild. Ok so I've stuck things up there, but you'll have to ask to find out.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3c9YAiMaoF4&feature=related
http://youtube.com/watch?v=3c9YAiMaoF4&feature=related
Friday, April 11, 2008
Daddy's angry, man this hits home
This is taken from nifty.org. For much of my "daddy/son" life, this was what my relationships were like. Though I am in a daddy/son relationship now, we do not take it to this extreme. Outside of the bedroom, Shawn and I are a loving couple. Though in the bedroom, I AM HIS boy. There is an intimate power that can be felt. When I am with Shawn, I feel the power of a father that I have always looked for. But because of how he treats me out of the bedroom, we are not ruled by our fetish. I love him dearly, and i look foreward to the time we exchange our vows.
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 13:39:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: woodlawnjerome@yahoo.com
Subject: daddy's angry
I got home as quick as I could. I knew I was in trouble. The house was dark
and all I could smell was the musky scent of "daddy". He was home
somewhere; I felt it. Still, some part of me decided to pretend he wasn't
there. Idiotically, I called his name. "Karl?" (He had allowed me to call
him by his first name a week ago) "Daddy?" "Sir?" "Are you there?" I hung
up my jacket. My cock grew hard for some reason, I'm not sure. "Sir?" I
proceeded further into the house down the long hallway to where his den
was. For some stupid reason, I still thought he wasn't home, yet my voice
grew quieter as I called for him again. "Daddy?" A thunderous "GET IN HERE,
BOY!" came from where his den was. Like a robot, I made my way towards that
voice. My God, he had such a hold over me!
There "daddy" was, sitting in his big chair in front of the fireplace. I
made my way slowly over to where he was sitting. He had nothing but his
dark slacks on. He was leaning back a little in his chair; his huge legs
were spread a bit. His massive arms were on the arms of the chair. His eyes
were half-closed. He was half-rocking in the chair, lightly tapping those
massive size 14 feet. His face had light stubble on it and I could smell
the hint of after shave a little better now. His thick cock was peering out
of the pant opening, throbbing lightly. He peered at me through his
half-open eyes, his square face stern. "Why are you late, boy?", he
quizzed. I was trapped between fear of and renewed lust for this large,
powerful white man who claimed me for his own a few months earlier, making
me his little black love slave. I just couldn't find the words
until..."Well?!", he screamed. "I-I-I was late because...I-I missed the
bus", I stammered. I was actually at the store trying to buy his favorite
drink. The idiots had ran out and forgot to restock! Oh boy! So I had to
run frantically to another store to find out they sold their last
bottle. All this made me late for my master's 4PM "feeding and
breeding". I've been late once for "feeding and breeding". Let's just say
I'm lucky he loves me...and that I love being his slave.
"Get over here. On your knees", he ordered. I obeyed, kneeling before him,
my face pointed to the ground. He studied me for what seemed like a whole
hour. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my head. "Tell me what I
wanna hear. NOW!", He shouted. "I'm sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry I'm late", I
whimpered like a little girl, over and over again. I was actually lucky
this time. Karl has never hesitated to slap me or spank me "because I made
him angry". I would always try to appease him by sprawling on the ground at
his feet and grabbing and caressing his huge tree-trunk calves while
kissing his feet. His anger, however, was always shortlived because
immediately afterward, he would pull me off the ground, order me to suck
his "daddy nipples", which either made him angry again, or so passionate,
that he would then take me, kiss me and send me to heaven, driving that 8"
cut beercan, and all that muscle, into my body. The whole thing has me
turned inside out. "Kiss my feet and tell me how sorry you are", he
ordered. I proceeded to slowly caress and kiss each massive foot as I have
done before, taking in that powerful man odor. My cock was throbbing out of
control. "I don't hear you, you little slut!", Karl bellowed. I whimpered
over and over, "I'm so sorry daddy. Please don't be angry". He then took
the foot I was kissing and rubbed it all over my face as I lay sprawled
before him. "You're daddy's little slut. Aren't you?", he asked in a
strange, gentle, fatherly tone. I thought I was going to explode right
there. He has had me lick cum off his feet or his floor before. "Yes sir",
I replied humbly.
Karl then grabbed me by the arm off the floor and scooped me up into his
tree-trunk of a lap, snuggling me real close. I could smell the powerful
scent of his after shave. It was irresistible. I couldn't escape. I didn't
want to escape. "Daddy" was brushing his square face against mine. I could
feel the soft stubble of his face. I could hear and feel his hot breath on
my face. He was so strong and gentle. " you're driving me crazy, you know
that, boy?" I couldn't answer right then. My eyes were closed and my
breathing was slow and deep. I was so in love right then. "Huh?", he asked,
shaking me a little. "Yes sir", I answered him, eyes still closed. He took
my face in his huge hand. Then taking his thumb, he caressed my lower lip
and chin with it. He then hungrily planted his lips on mine and we kissed a
real long time.
When he finally came, he moaned and grunted with such
ferociousness, I could swear I felt the room shake. His huge sweaty body
fell on top of mine and we fell asleep, but not before he said, with his
beefy voice, "I love you, baby. You make me very happy." Guess he waasn't
angry anymore.
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004 13:39:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: woodlawnjerome@yahoo.com
Subject: daddy's angry
I got home as quick as I could. I knew I was in trouble. The house was dark
and all I could smell was the musky scent of "daddy". He was home
somewhere; I felt it. Still, some part of me decided to pretend he wasn't
there. Idiotically, I called his name. "Karl?" (He had allowed me to call
him by his first name a week ago) "Daddy?" "Sir?" "Are you there?" I hung
up my jacket. My cock grew hard for some reason, I'm not sure. "Sir?" I
proceeded further into the house down the long hallway to where his den
was. For some stupid reason, I still thought he wasn't home, yet my voice
grew quieter as I called for him again. "Daddy?" A thunderous "GET IN HERE,
BOY!" came from where his den was. Like a robot, I made my way towards that
voice. My God, he had such a hold over me!
There "daddy" was, sitting in his big chair in front of the fireplace. I
made my way slowly over to where he was sitting. He had nothing but his
dark slacks on. He was leaning back a little in his chair; his huge legs
were spread a bit. His massive arms were on the arms of the chair. His eyes
were half-closed. He was half-rocking in the chair, lightly tapping those
massive size 14 feet. His face had light stubble on it and I could smell
the hint of after shave a little better now. His thick cock was peering out
of the pant opening, throbbing lightly. He peered at me through his
half-open eyes, his square face stern. "Why are you late, boy?", he
quizzed. I was trapped between fear of and renewed lust for this large,
powerful white man who claimed me for his own a few months earlier, making
me his little black love slave. I just couldn't find the words
until..."Well?!", he screamed. "I-I-I was late because...I-I missed the
bus", I stammered. I was actually at the store trying to buy his favorite
drink. The idiots had ran out and forgot to restock! Oh boy! So I had to
run frantically to another store to find out they sold their last
bottle. All this made me late for my master's 4PM "feeding and
breeding". I've been late once for "feeding and breeding". Let's just say
I'm lucky he loves me...and that I love being his slave.
"Get over here. On your knees", he ordered. I obeyed, kneeling before him,
my face pointed to the ground. He studied me for what seemed like a whole
hour. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in my head. "Tell me what I
wanna hear. NOW!", He shouted. "I'm sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry I'm late", I
whimpered like a little girl, over and over again. I was actually lucky
this time. Karl has never hesitated to slap me or spank me "because I made
him angry". I would always try to appease him by sprawling on the ground at
his feet and grabbing and caressing his huge tree-trunk calves while
kissing his feet. His anger, however, was always shortlived because
immediately afterward, he would pull me off the ground, order me to suck
his "daddy nipples", which either made him angry again, or so passionate,
that he would then take me, kiss me and send me to heaven, driving that 8"
cut beercan, and all that muscle, into my body. The whole thing has me
turned inside out. "Kiss my feet and tell me how sorry you are", he
ordered. I proceeded to slowly caress and kiss each massive foot as I have
done before, taking in that powerful man odor. My cock was throbbing out of
control. "I don't hear you, you little slut!", Karl bellowed. I whimpered
over and over, "I'm so sorry daddy. Please don't be angry". He then took
the foot I was kissing and rubbed it all over my face as I lay sprawled
before him. "You're daddy's little slut. Aren't you?", he asked in a
strange, gentle, fatherly tone. I thought I was going to explode right
there. He has had me lick cum off his feet or his floor before. "Yes sir",
I replied humbly.
Karl then grabbed me by the arm off the floor and scooped me up into his
tree-trunk of a lap, snuggling me real close. I could smell the powerful
scent of his after shave. It was irresistible. I couldn't escape. I didn't
want to escape. "Daddy" was brushing his square face against mine. I could
feel the soft stubble of his face. I could hear and feel his hot breath on
my face. He was so strong and gentle. " you're driving me crazy, you know
that, boy?" I couldn't answer right then. My eyes were closed and my
breathing was slow and deep. I was so in love right then. "Huh?", he asked,
shaking me a little. "Yes sir", I answered him, eyes still closed. He took
my face in his huge hand. Then taking his thumb, he caressed my lower lip
and chin with it. He then hungrily planted his lips on mine and we kissed a
real long time.
When he finally came, he moaned and grunted with such
ferociousness, I could swear I felt the room shake. His huge sweaty body
fell on top of mine and we fell asleep, but not before he said, with his
beefy voice, "I love you, baby. You make me very happy." Guess he waasn't
angry anymore.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Sally Kern
If homosexuality is so deadly, and you are against it, why don't you let us kill ourselves? The only negitive consequences come from so called Christians who oppose our beliefs as a GLBT people. The reason why GLBT suicide is so high is because of people like Sally Kern, and other family and friends who do not accept who we Love. Everyday I struggle with the fact that I love a man, and though I know in my heart I am a gay male, comments and people like this do not make it easy for me. I long to hold my partner's hand in public, I long to kiss him in public like everyone else. But I don't, and I do so because I am afraid. There are times I would like to give him a peck on the lips, or just sit there holding his hand, but i am too fucking scared to. In the "Land of the free and brave" how fucking sad is it that a man has to be afraid to show affection to his love. On an almost daily basis I get the "oh him" comment from my ma. Now like every other good american male out there, I respect my ma, she did raise me, but hell, enough is enough. I have always been the quiet guy, never wanting to make any waves, but we need to put an end to this now. I am not saying end gay hate. That would be nice, but even now, we still have guys who are judged and hated for based on their skin colour. I do not know about you, but i cannot change the colour of my skin. Don't get me wrong, I tried to fight my feelings, and did therapy. I did the support group thing, I worked the 12 steps, and yes I even dated a girl, a few in fact. But nothing worked, I am still gay, and "mentally ill" as my ma puts it. Yes some men have claimed to "come straight" and change their orientation. I believe that one of two things has happened here. First, i think the guy might of thought he was gay, but never actually was. I mean I can look at a girl, and think she's a good f*ck, but that doesn't mean that I''m straight. If anything that means that I'd be bisexual. Which brings us to my second point. People who claim to have changed in my honest oppinion are most likely bisexual. Well that's my rant for now. Now it's off to sleep some more, errrr....I mean back to work
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Step one
For those of you who don’t know I used to be a huge sex addict, and no, not really with many partners. I would look at porn, and read stories several times a day. There were days where I would go 8 plus times. I do not write this, to sound like an animal, but rather so that those who know me know where I came from. As a former member of 12 step groups, I learned to deal with some of my issues, but it wasn’t until last night, while talking to Shawn did I realize how lost I was. Part of the healing process is writing out, or completing a check list of consequences. Here’s my list from the Book, A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps, by Patrick Carnes.
Emotional Consequences
(X) Attempted Suicide
(X) Suicidal Thoughts/Feelings
( ) Homicidal Thoughts/Feelings
(X) Feelings of extreme hopelessness
(X) Failed efforts to control addiction
(X) Feeling like two people
(X) Emotional instability
(X) Loss of touch with reality
(X) Loss of self-esteem
(X) Loss of life goals
(X) Acting against own values
(X) Strong feelings of guilt
(X) Strong feelings of isolation
(X) Emotional exhaustion
Physical Consequences
(X) Continuation of addictive behavior despite physical risks
(X) Extreme weight loss/gain
(X) Physical problems(blood pressure, ulcers, diabeties)
( ) Physical injury or abuse by other
(X) Involvement in potentially abusive/dangerous situations
( ) Vehicle accidents
(X) self abuse/injury
(X) sleep disturbances
(X) Physical exhaustion
Family and Partnership Consequences
(X) Risking the loss of partner/spouse
(X) Loss of partner/spouse
(X) Increase of relationship problems
(X) Jeopardizing the well-being of your family
(X) Loss of family/partner’s respect
( ).Increase in problems with your children
( ) Loss of your family origin
Now I put this up, not to say, I’m here and queer, but because maybe, some one will come across this, and see them self in this. I was a great student, and then lost all ambition and interest in life. I attempted suicide in the past, And at times really wanted to die. I found myself in a relationship with a man who wasn’t after my best interest, instead, he was interested into having slave/house boy. I learned to be submissive and learned to please him, without much if any attention or affection. I learned to make him happy, and to have things done his way. I was allowing my sexual addiction rule my life. I never realized how much this relationship was harming my life.
Because of this relationship, I gained many fetishes, and interests. Some of these grew to the point where it put my life in real danger, and I decided at that point to turn from that life, and not look back. The idea of becoming the next homicide victim wasn’t appealing to me. So dropped that side of me, or so I thought, I had become used to the “Vanillia” way of things. I learned that I didn’t have to have my vices or role playing to enjoy a good time. Then comes along Shawn, my Boo Bear, and my love. And the rest will come in the second edition….
Emotional Consequences
(X) Attempted Suicide
(X) Suicidal Thoughts/Feelings
( ) Homicidal Thoughts/Feelings
(X) Feelings of extreme hopelessness
(X) Failed efforts to control addiction
(X) Feeling like two people
(X) Emotional instability
(X) Loss of touch with reality
(X) Loss of self-esteem
(X) Loss of life goals
(X) Acting against own values
(X) Strong feelings of guilt
(X) Strong feelings of isolation
(X) Emotional exhaustion
Physical Consequences
(X) Continuation of addictive behavior despite physical risks
(X) Extreme weight loss/gain
(X) Physical problems(blood pressure, ulcers, diabeties)
( ) Physical injury or abuse by other
(X) Involvement in potentially abusive/dangerous situations
( ) Vehicle accidents
(X) self abuse/injury
(X) sleep disturbances
(X) Physical exhaustion
Family and Partnership Consequences
(X) Risking the loss of partner/spouse
(X) Loss of partner/spouse
(X) Increase of relationship problems
(X) Jeopardizing the well-being of your family
(X) Loss of family/partner’s respect
( ).Increase in problems with your children
( ) Loss of your family origin
Now I put this up, not to say, I’m here and queer, but because maybe, some one will come across this, and see them self in this. I was a great student, and then lost all ambition and interest in life. I attempted suicide in the past, And at times really wanted to die. I found myself in a relationship with a man who wasn’t after my best interest, instead, he was interested into having slave/house boy. I learned to be submissive and learned to please him, without much if any attention or affection. I learned to make him happy, and to have things done his way. I was allowing my sexual addiction rule my life. I never realized how much this relationship was harming my life.
Because of this relationship, I gained many fetishes, and interests. Some of these grew to the point where it put my life in real danger, and I decided at that point to turn from that life, and not look back. The idea of becoming the next homicide victim wasn’t appealing to me. So dropped that side of me, or so I thought, I had become used to the “Vanillia” way of things. I learned that I didn’t have to have my vices or role playing to enjoy a good time. Then comes along Shawn, my Boo Bear, and my love. And the rest will come in the second edition….
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
more "gay humor"
You may not know this but many non-living things
have a gender.
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are
pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you
have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air
part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain
water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't
you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without
it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying!
have a gender.
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can
see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to
warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are
pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you
have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air
part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain
water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't
you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without
it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying!
some "gay humor"
The Canadian
A guy walks into a bar in rural Oklahoma and orders a white wine.
All the rednecks sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."
The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist?
Do you drive a taxi?"
"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals." The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his
first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander
around. A gorgeous petite blond walks by, and the man
immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for
me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's
a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you
called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of
the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls
him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within
minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room
toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man. "It's a rule
that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a
bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where
he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I
help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can
have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a
few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our
facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 66 years old.
I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!
I'm outta here!"
Bryan came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his lover who was already asleep.
He gave him peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much too live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied, "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad," replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen" And so he did
and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the
best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his lover shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken idiot, you're shitting the bed"
IRS Genie
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an IRS genie."
She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
The genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
The genie said, "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached
A guy walks into a bar in rural Oklahoma and orders a white wine.
All the rednecks sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."
The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist?
Do you drive a taxi?"
"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals." The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his
first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander
around. A gorgeous petite blond walks by, and the man
immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for
me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's
a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you
called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of
the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls
him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within
minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room
toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man. "It's a rule
that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a
bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where
he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I
help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can
have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a
few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our
facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 66 years old.
I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!
I'm outta here!"
Bryan came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his lover who was already asleep.
He gave him peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much too live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied, "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We
can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad," replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never
laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen" And so he did
and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the
best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his lover shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken idiot, you're shitting the bed"
IRS Genie
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst.
He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.
He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an IRS genie."
She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
The genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
The genie said, "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached
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